..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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