Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Randomize
