dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
