You made me cry and you don't even care
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
