if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
