Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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