The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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