dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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