I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
