Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
