Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
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