My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
