my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
