Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
