Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
