Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
