i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
