Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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