Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
