I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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