Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
