Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
