Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
