I wish I could teleport
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
