we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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