im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Come on in and take your pants off
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