You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
