shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
