My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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