Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize