I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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