She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
