why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize