Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
