my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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