At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
