If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
