why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Only a mothe r could love this liver
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
