Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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