That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
