one two three fourrrrnication!
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
