The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
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