Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
