Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize