I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
