matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize