I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
