All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
