I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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