What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize