I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
