Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Randomize