Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
