Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize