So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
