Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
