if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
