thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
