Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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