I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
