im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
