All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
