Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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