i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
