I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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