im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
