Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
