Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
