I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize