If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
