I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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