I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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