omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Randomize
