so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
