I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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