When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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