people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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