Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
found the other keg... it's in the tree
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
