woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
