you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
im holly from the hills drunk
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
