well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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