I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
